A Smile That Speaks: Ministering Through Kindness

Have you ever been called to do something that you were unsure about? Maybe you were summoned to share your testimony in front of a group of strangers. Perhaps, you were compelled to bring that praise dance you had been practicing in your mirror out of obscurity. Maybe, God was nudging you to finally reveal that beautiful singing voice you had imprisoned in your shower. You knew it was a summons from God but you were so afraid of the opinions of others. You scanned your body from head to toe, anticipating every single negative comment that could possibly be said about you. Your hair, your weight, your clothes, your smile. You questioned if the mission was worth bearing your soul to a fallen world full of people who didn’t die on a cross for you. Because, if they didn’t die on a cross for you, they could easily reject and discard you.

I felt all of this recently when I received a text message from one of my pastors, asking me to take photos for church service. This wasn’t just any service, it was Founder’s Day, which is typically a well attended event. Friend, I was seriously biting my nails about this. I stared at that text for the longest time, going back and forth in my mind. Weighing ever possible scenario. I mean, I am new at this church. There are many people who don’t know me yet and it can feel extremely awkward and intrusive snapping photos of people while they are worshipping. Not to mention, service is live streamed so there is videography happening and big, gigantic, dinosaur cameras to be aware of forcing me into somewhat of a bear crawl across the front of the congregation so as not to be seen on YouTube by our digital disciples. Whew chile, it’s a lot to consider for someone who can be a lil anxious but I remember thinking, “Lord, I can’t let you down.” I knew that the situation I found myself in was God ordained.

So, at 9:22 pm on October 27th, I finally texted back. “Yes, I’m available to take photos tomorrow.” The next morning, I showed up bright eyed and bushy tailed with my Lumix camera. I met my partner at the front of the sanctuary and he walked me through my game plan for the day, instructing me on which parts of the ceremony were most important to capture and giving me pointers on things to lookout for. He asked if I wanted him to show me how to get right there in front for the best shots without blocking the video cameras. Y’all know I hit a “YES! PLEASE!!!” (half-bear-crawl situation enters the chat). I’m thinking, “Ok, got it. yup. I can totally do this.” I ducked and did a little hunchback of Notre Dame waddle past the dinosaur cameras. Ok, it was a waddle and a scurry at the same time. Picture that. Yep, exactly that.

I found my rhythm, I found my flow, and I felt myself smiling bright, wide and generously. Honestly, I think I have resting grin face because there’s always a slight smile decorating me. Kindness is a value of mine. I deploy it often because I’m always concerned about how others feel and I strive to make people feel good when I’m in their presence. However, in this moment, I was very aware of my smile and all of those initial thoughts of uncertainty began to flood my mind. “Maybe you shouldn’t smile so much.” “Look at so and so, they are not smiling.” “You are here to take photos, not smile and sing and worship while you snap.” “You are too bubbly.” “You should be more serious, more professional.” “Your teeth are not perfect and you really need braces.” “They’re not even white enough for you to be smiling so much all the time.” Eventually, those worries left me but like most thoughts that you don’t challenge—they linger in your subconscious, waiting to disturb you another day and disrupt your self image.

On Friday, November 1st, I received a call from one of my pastors (the one who asked me to take photos.) He was so excited to tell me that he shared the photos I took with our Senior Pastor and he was so impressed. He inquired about who I am and he said, “She smiles a lot. She looked so happy, content and sure of herself. She feels like a safe person. That’s exactly what we need at the church. People who are not afraid to smile big.” Everything in me burst at the seams when I heard that. My gosh, the very thing that I was insecure about was the thing that I needed to serve authentically and make the biggest impact. That phone call was a revelation. I hadn’t thought about it this way before but now I totally see how smiling is ministry. It’s an indicator that everything is alright and chile if ain’t, it’s gonna be. Life gives us many reasons to walk around looking like we’ve been sucking on lemons but you just keep smiling. It’s a balm for the soul. It’s God’s light within you. No matter how flawed you think your grill is, I assure you, it is a lamp in someone’s cave. It’s a symbol of hope and resilience. It’s a fresh spring in a world that so desperately needs to be quenched.

I’m just a woman who’s finally realizing her identity in Christ. I once had these elaborate ideas of what ministry looks like. Of what prayer looks like. And they often felt unattainable to me, a born again Christian who often struggles with comparison and questions her place in the Kingdom. God is showing me that ministry is in the way that I live everyday. It’s in the way that I love. It’s in the way that I smile.

I pray that you discover your ministry and you give of it freely.

“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.” -Proverbs 3:27